I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
