he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
