i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
