Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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