One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
