Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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