Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
