I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
