In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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