You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
