Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
