I just pynch a tree in the face
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
