Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
