I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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