Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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