Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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