I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
