It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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