I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
