Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
