I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
