haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
