My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
