I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Actions speak louder than pants.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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