I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
