chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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