I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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