Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
