How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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