Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize