Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
