I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
