3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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