some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
