Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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