Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
