I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
