I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
