Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
