It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
