take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
