if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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