I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
