We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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