Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
