i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
