He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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