You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
