Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
