# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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