I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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