Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
