Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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