I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
