Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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