Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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