Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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