Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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