Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
