maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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