Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
