TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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