so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize