wanna go halves on a baby?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
