Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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