She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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