who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
