Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
