My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
