I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
