I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
