no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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