Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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