Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
