Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
