my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i drank out of a bidet.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A+ Viking dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
