Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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