i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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